marielle blog // artFART

Looking for someone to session with.

I miss painting with other people just to paint. no live show. just paint, blast music, chill, and talk.

trials and trivials

Tuesday, my eye started hurting real bad. Wednesday around midnight, I woke up craving to see only pitch black because my eye felt like someone was squeezing my eyeball every time an ounce of light was around. Ended up calling kaiser and they advised me to go to the emergency room. Nurse had to turn off the lights in my little area, but I was still crouched and covering my face with my hood because of my light sensitivity. The ER doctor apologized for having to use a flashlight to look into my eye but it was the only way. I ended up going crazy on the ER bed when he flashed it in my eye. According to my mom, my face turned completely red and my heart rate went up. They numbed my eye..it felt heavenly. Stayed there for about 5 and a half hours while they gave me a couple of suggestions of what it could be and scheduled an appointment with the on-call Opthamologist. So I went home, took an hour nap, woke up again and went to my appointment. He told me I had a cornea infection and that it was a really serious issue and there were only two ways it could go, either really bad real fast, or it could heal so he told me that he’d have to put me on intense therapy. He took a sample from my eye to take to the lab and scheduled me for a follow up appointment. I left the hospital with 3 new prescriptions. One drop to take every hour. One drop to take twice a day. One ointment to take 3 times a day. Yup, I came home pretty depressed. Figured if worse come to worse, I would learn the piano.

Gf came to my house later that night when I mellowed out from emo thoughts and crying. Made me feel a lot better, I must say. She left the next day and I was pretty mellow. I actually looked forward to school.

Went to school today, I was excited until I actually got to my classes and found out I couldn’t see shit. It felt like someone rubbed vaseline over one eye and let me be. Granted, all the medication was helping me and I felt good again, I honestly wanted to cry by my 3rd class. For the first time, I felt completely helpless.

Finally, afterwards, I went to Vacaville for my follow-up appointment. I was so scared and my hands were crazy shaking from the moment we parked to the moment the nurse called my name. It didn’t help that the nurse was asking me about an eye drop that was prescribed to me, but I wasn’t taking it. It made me think “Shit. Something’s wrong. The doctor already pre-prescribed me medication =(” Then the doctor came and checked the progress of my eye after the medication. He said it was 80% better and that the lab results came up negative for any other complications. It’s still a serious situation, but that’s what my medicine is for. I get to drop two of my eye drops and instead of taking my eye drop every fucking hour, I get to take it only 4 times a day. My knees felt so weak from the relief. I swear I could’ve cried ahaha. So one more week of medication. Wait until I feel completely back to normal. Wait another 2-3 weeks and I get to wear contacts again. By March, I’ll be completely back to normal =D

Lesson learned: Everyone goes through trials and trivials in their lives. Whether the outcome is good or bad, take it for what it is and promise yourself that the result of the situation will make you come out stronger. I’ve been blessed with great people in my life. Medically, I have been tested several times in my life. I guess all of it has made me stick to my outlook on life, soak in everything to the fullest extent. Don’t sulk in the “never” before even trying. “I don’t want to watch history unfold in front of me, I want to hold on for my life as the folds unravel.”